The Unseen Labour of Self-Care
When you think of self-care, what comes to mind?
Is it going to the spa, getting a massage, or taking a bubble bath? While these activities offer a glimpse into the tranquil side of self-care, they often overshadow the hard work and dedication required to truly take care of yourself. The reality is that self-care is not just a one-time indulgence but an ongoing commitment to maintaining physical, mental, and emotional well-being.
A couple of months ago I wrote a journal entry about what my life would look like if I did the things I enjoyed more often. This list included going out with friends, making time for my hobbies, and working out consistently. This all sounded amazing and I quickly realized I have the ability and the means to start doing these activities more. I had every intention to start incorporating this into my day, but then I considered the emotional, financial, and physical labour that all of these tasks required. I was then left with the glaring question, why does it feel like so much work to do the things I enjoy?
I was wrestling with myself about this for a while but my conclusion was that self-care feels like hard work, because it is hard work. In this article I’m going to focus on the following:
Overcoming mental & emotional barriers
Navigating cultural expectations
Access to resources
Exploring my relationship with self-care within these three areas has helped me grasp the challenges involved. So let’s dive in to explore this further!
Overcoming mental & emotional barriers.
Mental and emotional barriers can make self-care challenging. Personally, feelings of guilt or unworthiness are the biggest hurdles I have to overcome when making the mental shift. Growing up, doing fun things or getting a break was a reward for hard work. As much as that instilled a strong desire in me to complete my tasks, it created an ideology that if I’m not able to get my work done, I don’t deserve to go out with friends or sit down and watch that new anime I’ve been hearing about. I can convince myself that I am doing “the right thing” by depriving myself of that break for the sake of productivity, but this is a recipe for burnout.
Overcoming these hurdles involves a shift in mindset recognizing that self-care is not a luxury but a necessity for overall well-being. When I notice that I am having this internal conflict I ask myself the following questions:
How did you show up for yourself today?
If I don’t have an answer for this question that doesn’t involve work, I know it’s time to put my laptop away for the day.
Did you do your best in what you were able to complete?
I have to remind myself that I’m going to do my best every day, but my best won’t look the same every day. Just because I wasn’t able to complete everything on my list doesn’t mean that I didn’t do a good job with what I was able to finish. My effort wasn’t in vain because I couldn’t reach a particular output and that’s important for me to remember.
Are you prioritizing your standard of care?
It’s easy for me to justify staying up that extra hour to get work done because I can see the tangible results but, my self-care needs to be prioritized too. I don’t always see the benefit in that moment, but it does make a difference in how I can show up when I commit to sticking to my standard of care.
Another way that I overcome the mental barrier is by using the 3 + 1 Method. This is a productivity method I created that is derived from the Top 3 Rule. Essentially, I write my top 3 tasks of the day then add one non-negotiable self-care activity to the list. Because the self-care tasks are non-negotiable (I’m completing whether I get through my top 3 or not), this builds the habit of taking care of myself while getting rid of the idea that self-care is a reward for hard work.
Navigating Cultural Expectations
Cultural expectations can also make self-care hard work. Many cultures emphasize productivity and self-sacrifice, often at the expense of your well-being. Growing up in a Jamaican household, having a good work ethic was heavily emphasized. I am extremely grateful for this upbringing and the discipline it instilled in me, with that said, it wasn’t an environment where self-care was prioritized. For a long time, I equated rest with being lazy, lackadaisical, or having no ambition because there was always something that could be done. Even if all of my chores were completed, I needed to find something else to do 😅. I can laugh about it now, but I recognize how this created an unhealthy relationship between rest and work.
Becoming aware that I had an unhealthy relationship with rest because of my upbringing was just the beginning. Breaking a pattern doesn’t feel good because there is familiarity with unhealthy habits that have been created. In my case, I’m breaking habits that got me through school and my career so far, it’s all that I know. But when I think of how I want my life to look going forward, I don’t want to continue in this cycle of hyper-productivity that continuously leads to burnout. Self-care is often framed as something easy to do, but making the mental shift to allow yourself to rest will present its challenges. As you stay committed to making that change, I can confidently say that it does get easier and it does get better.
Access to Resources
Effective self-care sometimes requires access to resources such as time, money, and support systems. Not everyone has the financial means to go to the spa every week, have a gym membership, or utilize professional mental health services. Additionally, support from friends and family can play a crucial role in self-care, and the absence of such support can make the journey more difficult. It was important for me to acknowledge this fact and get creative to help overcome it.
First and foremost, self-care doesn't need to be expensive. Taking time to read a book, going for a walk, and doing home workouts on YouTube are little things I do to give myself a break. As much as there are things that I would love to do more regularly to treat myself, it’s not in the budget. This has forced me to get creative but also recognize that self-care can be whatever I want it to be. I enjoy watching anime, so after a long day, I’m going to binge One Piece and feel good because I’m partaking in an activity I enjoy. I would encourage you to write a list of all the things that make you happy, big or small, and you may be shocked at how many of the items on the list don’t involve you going bankrupt or how creative you can get to still do the activities you enjoy in a different way.
Secondly, as someone who is very introverted, I struggle to build that community that is needed for support. I have an article coming soon that will touch on stepping out of your comfort zone and practical steps you can take to build that community we all need. If you already have a support system, reach out to them to help aid in your self-care journey. This could be planning more to do more activities together or even having someone keep you accountable for the goals you have set. Either way, support from friends and/or family makes this journey tremendously better.
When it comes to mental health support I would encourage you to look into therapists who offer sliding scale therapy. Sliding scale therapy is a pricing model used by some mental health professionals to make therapy more accessible to clients with varying financial resources. This approach allows therapists to adjust their fees based on a client's income and financial situation, ensuring that therapy remains affordable for a broader range of people. When I was in the process of looking for a therapist I was surprised at how many therapists do offer sliding scale so it’s worth looking into!
Keep in Mind
If you've been experiencing a prolonged lack of interest in activities you once enjoyed, it may be a sign of a bigger issue such as burnout, stress, anxiety, depression, and/or physical issues. It’s important to take this seriously and seek support. By reflecting on possible causes, talking to others, and consulting professionals, you can begin to address the root of the issue and work towards regaining your sense of enjoyment and well-being.
Conclusion
Self-care is often misunderstood as merely indulging in occasional treats or luxuries, but in reality, it demands ongoing effort, dedication, and a commitment to our well-being. While the images of spa days and bubble baths may capture the imagination, true self-care encompasses much more—it is a continuous journey of managing mental barriers, navigating cultural expectations, and finding ways to access different resources.
By acknowledging the hard work involved in self-care and making it a non-negotiable part of your routine, you can foster a healthier, more balanced life. Remember to remain compassionate towards yourself as you’re on this journey.
